


The Background

by Blueyedgurl



Series: Fluffy one shots [11]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Hospitals, I Don't Even Know, I Made Myself Cry, Injury Recovery, POV Ben Solo, References to Illness, Rey Needs A Hug, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25788547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueyedgurl/pseuds/Blueyedgurl
Summary: @Reylo_promptsHe draws her every week.  He draws her looking at him smiling, thoughtful, or truly magical, He pours his heart and soul into these drawings.  Every Sunday he comes to the hospital room, hoping to meet her eyes.  But she's not waking up.  His hope is fading.  Today...
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Fluffy one shots [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1849954
Comments: 6
Kudos: 99
Collections: Reylo Prompt Fills (@reylo_prompts)





	The Background

**Author's Note:**

> Title based on a Third Eye Blind song.

He didn’t know what he was going to do with all of this. The walls were lined with drawings pieces of tape marring the corners, stacks of them on the desk. He had tried to keep them facing away so he wasn’t haunted by her eyes always looking at him.

It didn’t last long since that’s what he missed the most. Her hazel eyes and smile that lit up a room. That’s what all the paintings were of. The smile when he asked her out when he first kissed her. The birthday where he invited all her friends, after they had fought about him avoiding meeting them. There was a drawing for every day since he last saw her smile, some in detail, some in color. He had even painted her a few times. Those pictures were in his bedroom and living room. A small one sat in his desk drawer at work. 

Hux had tried to tell him to move on, they had only been together for a little bit, it was unlikely she’d wake back up. If she did who was to say she wouldn’t be damaged in some way. Hux went home with a fat lip and a bloody nose. Kylo wouldn’t return his calls and refused to apologize.

Finn he was grateful for. Finn was her closest relative. By relative meaning, the person on the emergency contact list who made sure Ben was on the visitors list. He was now very grateful he threw that birthday dinner. He went to see her every week, twice if he got off early on a Tuesday or Thursday. He knew Finn usually went on Mondays and Rose went on Wednesdays. Ben took Saturday. It was important that he spend the day with her. That she not be alone all weekend.

She never responded to him just laid there motionless. The first month he cried the whole time, his hand gripping hers and his thumb tracing circles across the back of her hand. Things were different now after some time had passed, he’d read to her, tell her about his day. About having lunch with Finn and Rose. He told her about the first time he had dinner with his parents after being estranged from them for so long. 

Somehow, even in her unconscious state, she made his world bigger.

It was the world he wanted her to have really, he was just keeping an eye on it while she healed. The world he wanted to share with her forever. He was going to ask her if it hadn’t been for the car accident. 

He first started drawing her because he needed a way to see her without missing more work. It was nice to see her without the bruising and stitches. But those had all healed now. Now the drawings were a way to keep him grounded, help him remember what he was living for. 

He was terrified that he would forget, not her. But what it felt like when she looked at him like she loved him. It was like he was afraid it wasn’t real if he didn’t’ have a constant reminder. Like he wasn’t real and this was all some nightmarish fantasy. A world where she smiled at him like she loved him was the only one worth living in. 

He didn’t know what he’d do if the feeding tubes and monitors were ever taken off. There were several drunken sobbing fits held on Rose’s lap when he came to the realization that she may never wake up. That the last time he saw her, she was in a rush to get to work because he kept pulling her back into bed, was the last time he saw her truly living. Annoyed with him but happy. 

He wanted her to be happy, to lose the lifeless pout of her lips. Even if she chose not to be with him anymore.

One time while he held her hand, her fingers twitched. He had dared to hope she was coming out of it and ran to grab the nursing staff. They had brushed it off as a normal occurrence. He still resented them for it.

Sometimes he wanted to wrap himself in the black cloak that was his meager existence before she crashed landed into it. Cut ties from this life and run. But then he thought of her laying there alone, how she had spent much of her life alone, and he refused to do that to her. He promised her that she’d never be alone again, he meant it. 

That’s why he reconnected with his parents, he wanted to give her something that looked like a normal family. Even if his family was anything but normal.

He knew his parents would love her. 

Whoever didn’t was a fool. 

So today wasn’t Saturday, it was Thursday. It would have been their one-year anniversary today. If things had gone as planned that night, maybe they’d be engaged and planning a wedding. Even if she woke up, he knew all of that he couldn’t just ask her. He had helped to massage her legs and arms enough to keep circulation going to know her muscles had atrophied, to know that she’d have to learn how to walk again. He knew it would take time to find a new normal and that asking her to marry him when she needed him most was unfair. But he was ok with putting his life on hold, waiting until she was well and ready.

It’d all be worth it for her. He’d do anything for her. And really wasn’t that what they said marriage was supposed to be? In sickness and in health and all that?

He knew he was fortunate to have the resources that he did, that not everyone would be able to commit this kind of time, energy, and money to this, even if they wanted to. When the insurance didn’t want to pay beyond doing comfort care he drew money from his trust fund. When the facility was short staffed, he had hired a private nurse. 

But today he was surprised to see someone standing by the bed when he walked in, less so when he realized it was his mother.

“Ben. I thought you didn’t come on Thursdays.” She looked a bit guilty.

“I don’t… its…” He looked at the bouquet of sunflowers in his hand. “It’d be our anniversary today.”

“Oh, honey. I’m sorry, I can go. I just wanted to meet her.”

“Who let you in?”

“Well, the nursing staff is a little less decerning over a little old lady wearing Chanel than you might think.” She winked at him and he smirked. It was very on brand for his mother. 

When his mother walked by she placed her hand gently on his arm.

“She’s lovely, be sure to tell her that for me.”

“I will.” His mom was about to leave when he turned. “Mom?”

“Yes, Ben?”

“Thank you, for coming… She’d love that.” It wasn’t until that moment that he realized how important he was to his mother. That she’d come to see Rey, in secret and without any expectation for him to be there or turn it into a visit once he did come. 

He set the flowers down and sat next to Rey.

“Hello, sweetheart. Happy anniversary.” He took up her hand and laid a kiss on the back of it. “I’m glad you to got to meet my mom. She asks about you a lot. She said to tell you that she thinks you’re lovely.” He thinks about how she’d smile and blush at that. Like the first time he told her she was beautiful. He thought about drawing that this week. 

He told her about his day, how much he missed seeing her every day. How much he missed hearing her voice.

“I just want you to come back to me. Please.” He felt a tear slide down his cheek for the millionth time sitting in this chair. He didn’t even wipe it away, not until he saw it land on the back of her hand.

“Sorry.” He mumbled. It was then her hand twitched again. He squeezed it back, knowing the nurses would be dismissive. Only this time when her hand twitched it gave a bit of a squeeze.

“Rey, baby. I felt that, come back. Do it again, let me know you’re here please.” Another squeeze. He got up and kissed her forehead.

“Stay right here, I’ll be right back. Promise.” He bolted down the hallway nearly knocking over an old lady with a walker. Apologizing profusely he continued down the hall skidding around a corner to get to the nurses station. 

“She squoze my hand, several times in a row. Please come. Call the doctor, something.” He didn’t wait for their answer, just ran back down the hall to her.

When he returned, she didn’t look like she had moved at all. He didn’t know what he was really expecting her to look like. 

He sat next to her again, taking up her hand in his, kissing the back of it. Praying to a god that he didn’t believe in that he’d do better. He’d donate more time and money, he’d tip better, he would make more conscientious purchases. Anything. Anything to see her smile. Anything to be curled up around her at night, he wouldn’t even tease her if she drooled on his chest. He just wanted her back.

He watched her face studiously, looking for a twitch anything. 

Then her eyelids fluttered, and he hadn’t experienced so much relief and joy in one moment as he did right now. 

“Yes, please. Just a little bit more Rey.”

That was when everyone swooped in, checking her vitals, repositioning her.

“It may take a while for her to wake.” They said, “call us when she does.” No shit is what he wanted to tell them but bit his tongue. 

“You’re going to wake up and we’re going to get you out of this fucking hospital. Take you home, where you belong.” He promised her. 

It was another hour before her eyes opened and slid to look at him. A ghost of a grin on her lips before she did a few slow blinks and went back under. 

He texted Finn and Rose to let them know. He stayed all night watching her as she drifted in and out. He called off work the next day.

Finn had taken over watch so he could go home and get something that resembled sleep. 

Before falling into bed fully dressed, he sketched out her sleepy, side-eyed grin.

When he woke up at noon, he had messages from Finn that Rey was finally awake enough to ask about him.

On his way back to the hospital called his uncle Chewie about making his home more suitable for Rey’s recovery. The dining room would need to be converted to a bedroom and be attached to the downstairs bath. There would need to be handrails throughout the house. He’d turn that plain picture window and turn it into a bay window so she could watch the birds in the back yard. He made a note to get bird feeders.

\--  
It was two weeks before Rey was allowed to be discharged and only because Ben was able to arrange for around the clock care. She needed extensive physical and occupational therapies to get her so she could sit up on her own. She needed to relearn how to do everything.

It was months before she could stand, another month after that to walk with support. It was then that he was finally able to sleep in the same room as her but kept separate beds. He cut back on the overnight nursing staff then. 

She was constantly being touched to be helped by others that intimacy between them consisted of Ben holding her and kissing her forehead, usually when she was upset or tired. 

Finn and Rose offered to come on the weekends, to make sure he took care of himself. He fought it at first, but then used the opportunity to do things like run errands and get things done around the house. With the expenses of her care he had cut back on other things like take out and lawn care.

There were many nights were Ben held an exhausted Rey as she cried in frustration. Frustrated that her body didn’t work the way it should and that she was constantly battling to feel functional. She begged him to leave her, to move on like everyone before him. He wouldn’t. As much as it pained him to see her upset and suffering at least he wasn’t watching over her lifeless form in a hospital bed. This thought made him feel so fucking selfish but it’s what kept him going.

It was a couple months in before Rey felt well enough to have more than her inner circle over. She had talked to his mom on the phone some but hadn’t felt up to meeting her. He was pleasantly surprised when his mom respected Rey’s request to hold off on their meeting. When they were finally able to meet, his parents were regular staples at the house, adding color to Rey’s world. His mom always gave Rey a hug before leaving and he would catch Rey smile a little at the embrace. 

It relieved him. It’s not that she didn’t smile, but there was always a strain, like she was doing it for him or Finn or Rose and not because that’s what she actually felt.

It was about 6 months of Rey being home when they decided to quietly get married. He told her it would be easier, they could combine assets and when her disability insurance ran out, she’d be under his coverage. She insisted on signing a prenup, Ben would have given her everything if it meant that she was taken care of.

He promised her that it could be quiet just between them and that it was only paperwork, and if she wanted the real thing someday all she had to do was ask. She had so many life changes that he wasn’t going to add major proposal and fancy wedding, let alone legitimate marriage to her list of things to take care of. So, they went to the courthouse and Ben kneeled in front of her, while she sat in her wheelchair and exchanged vows in front of the courthouse judge. The vows he spoke meant everything to him. 

Aside from legalities, nothing changed. Ben still slept in the twin bed next to hers every night just in case she needed anything.

There was one day though, about a year after she woke up that he came home and found her in the spare room upstairs. She didn’t come up here much except to use the stairs for her physical therapy, so he was surprised to see her sitting on the floor of the cluttered room, her smiling face scattered across the floor around her.

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

“You did all of these?” She gestured around her.

He nodded he had actually drawn more during her recovery, needing to remind himself that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. “I needed proof that you were real. That what we had was real. I had so few pictures of you, I couldn’t stand the idea of not seeing you smile again… I’ll get rid of them if they make you uncomfortable.” He felt self-conscious and ran his hand through his hair.

“No. They can stay. I just… didn’t know…” Her lip was drawn down. “I didn’t know you loved me this much, I feel like the last year and half has been nothing but a burden to you.” A tear ran down her cheek and it pained him to let it be there.

“It wasn’t easy, but I wouldn’t take back how I feel about you.” He paused and thought a moment, unsure if he should tell her. They hadn’t really made their relationship a topic for discussion except that he was there for her in whatever capacity she needed. 

“What?” Rey asked sensing his apprehension, her hands fidgeting in her lap, worry etched on her features. He’d never told her, and it was time to come clean with it.

“The night of your accident… I was planning on proposing.” He bit his lip in thought before continuing and Rey’s mouth dropped in surprise.

“Your accident, it felt like another test. I always ran away anytime things got hard. The fights with my parents, my uncle, ignoring the happenings at my old job. I realized that I hadn’t really fought for anything and that I hadn’t really wanted to until then. I took the first two weeks off work, only coming home to shower. And that was only if I knew Finn or Rose would be able to be there in case you woke up. I hated myself when I had to return to work, but knew I had to hobble together some form of a life. That you wouldn’t want me to risk my jog or wither away at your bedside.”

He sighed, temporarily reliving that hell.

“That’s when I started drawing. It kept me from leaving during my lunch or sleeping every night at the hospital. Finn, Rose and I… We came up with a schedule to go see you. I hated that there were days that nobody was there for you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about all of this before?” He went to her, stepping around her photos to wrap sit across from her, their knees touching.

“I didn’t care about any of that, I cared about you. I’d do it all again if I had to. I didn’t tell you before because I wanted you to be able to focus on getting better, not on if I was doing ok or feeling rejected because your focus was your recovery. Sometimes I’m stressed or I’m worried, but I see you getting better everyday and that’s enough for me.” He picked up her hands.

“If you only want to be friends I’ll accept that, we’ll stay married and separate when you’re ready. But I said those vows and I meant them.” He swallowed thickly. 

She kneeled up an thought she was going to leave but she crashed into him instead, her mouth on his and his arms were full of her. It was the most intimate kiss they had shared since before her accident and all he could do in response was hold her tight and kiss her back. 

\--

A year later and they got to have a real wedding. At some park pavilion, with their family, Rey in a tea length dress. Rey’s smile was incandescent, and he did everything in his power to commit it to memory. Even though his time he knew he didn’t need to, there were 3 photographers despite the event having fewer than 50 people because Ben didn’t want to miss a thing. 

When they slow danced, he held her and whispered how much he loved her into her hair. When they got home, they walked through the threshold together because he had spent so much time in the last two years assisting her and carrying her when she needed.

When they found themselves sweaty and tired after sex, she fed him strawberries and grapes and laid gentle kisses on his forehead before falling asleep.

She insisted on doing sweet things for him now, even when he fussed about it or didn’t ask her to. He knew she needed it, needed to find balance between them. 

For him there was no need to restore the balance. He’d give her what she needed because her mere existence fed his. Sometimes he couldn’t tell where he ended, and she began. Some might say it was unhealthy, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. Not when she was draped across his chest, hair in his face with drool cooling on his chest. He fell back asleep a smile across his face, not wanting to change a thing.


End file.
